Though about Mitch Hedberg today. God, he was so good. Here are my favorite Mitch Materials:
"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying - here, you throw this away. "
“An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They’re fuckin' relentless.”
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. "
"This guy asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said, "No ... but I would like a regular banana later, so ... yeah.""
"This shirt is Dry Clean only, therefore, it's dirty"
"I want to be a race car passenger--just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I stick my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.""
"I wear v-neck shirts, this is a v-neck I got on. My neck is so fragile man, I can't wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtlenecks. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Like if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack
it's like a weak midget is trying to bring you down."